Observations on the world today.

Sunday, February 17, 2008


Spuio. That’s my new name for God. It’s a mnemonic I created to catalog the characteristics that define what a god supposedly must be in order to have relevance. SPUIO; Supreme, Perfect, Unique, Infinite and Omniscient.

Spuio is supreme amongst all beings. He (for lack of a better pronoun) holds himself up as the reason that everything else is allowed to exist, and therefore we too are expected to hold him in the same esteem. Moreover, we are to recognize that there is nothing he is incapable of. Can he build a rock that he himself cannot move? Of course he can, for he is supreme; but he’d move it all the same, for he is supreme.

Spuio is perfection incarnate, except that he has no carnal properties; which in itself is also perfection. Except that sometimes, he has to become carnal in order to accomplish certain necessary things. But that doesn’t make him any less perfect.

Spuio is Unique amongst all of the gods/heavenly host in that there is no other god/angel/demon who is also supreme, perfect, infinite and omniscient. Though some are also infinite, and apparently some are also omniscient, and (depending on the religion in question) some share the attributes of supremacy and perfection, but no other deity shares all four characteristics, and this is what makes Spuio SPUIO.

Spuio is infinite in that he existed before everything else, and he will always exist, and he couldn’t stop existing even if he wanted to (not that he would, and that doesn’t stop him from being perfect, so shut up.) Spuio, simply put, existed before he created anything or anyplace to exist in. Before there was anything, there was Spuio. When there was nothing, there was Spuio – so there wasn’t nothing after all. So, okay, there was always something. Apparently, the one thing that Spuio couldn’t create is nothingness because then there would be no Spuio. Spuio is also infinite in that he is everywhere at all times. So before there was anything anywhere Spuio was always everywhere. In other words, for an immeasurable span of time before the initial moment of creation; Spuio existed alone in a universe which consisted of nothing except him everywhere--simply existing forever, all alone; being supreme amid nothing, perfect amid nothing, unique amid nothing, and omniscient about nothing–and everything–though there was nothing.

Spuio’s final defining characteristic is that he is omniscient. Every thought, every word, every action of every creature on Earth, Spuio knows. Every jostle of wind happens because he wills it. Every rotation of the planets happens by his design. Every collision of galaxies, every super-nova, every death, birth and exchange of atoms between chemicals is within his purview and happens only at his say so. If you curse him, he knows; even as he micro-manages the molecules and macro-manages the stars. And he doesn't like to be cursed. Trust me, you won't like the consequences of cursing Spuio. So to be on the safe side, praise him regularly or suffer Spuio’s supreme, perfect, unique and infinite wrath.

And he loves you.

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