The Gamut

I keep hearing disparaging remarks from the right about how the celebrities who support Kerry should keep their mouths shut. Ironically, some of this is actually coming from celebrities who support Bush. Personally, I suspect that the problem they have is that the calibre of celebrity supporting Kerry is better than the calibre of celebrity supporting Bush.



On the Kerry side from the world of Rock'n'roll we have Bruce (don't call me boss) Springsteen who has been extremely reticent before now to even consider entering the world of politics.

"This year, however, for many of us the stakes have risen too high to sit this election out."

For Bush, Ted (Motor City Madman) Nugent.

President Bush stands for "we the people" who live to be the best we can be. I'm voting for George W. Bush.

Ted has swallowed the purple Kool Aid, but he still rocks. We'll call that one a draw.

Next, on the left from the world of stars-of-yesterday, we have Rob (Meathead) Reiner.

"...what impressed me is that you could see how unified the Democrats are. I've never seen anything like it."

This is significant because Reiner was originally a Dean backer, and because he is considering a political run of his own.

For Bush in this category we find Rachel (Mrs. Rod Stewart) Hunter.

"Clinton had a lot of tea parties with celebrities, but [right after] his term, somebody flew two planes into the Twin Towers. What do you want - somebody who keeps your children safe or somebody who throws nice tea parties?"

Who can argue with genius like that? Point Meathead.

Next, from the current crop of stars-of-yesterday-of-tomorrow we find on the left, Ben (Where's Matt?) Afflek.

"I'll tell you what, if they're going to work so hard running for office, imagine how hard they are going to work as president and vice president of the United States?"

Ben would do really well in a debate with Rachel Hunter. But can his opponent best him? Supporting Bush, Miss Britney (Not Christina) Spears.

"Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and we should just support that, you know, and be faithful in what happens."

Somebody rent this girl a copy of All the President's Men and quick. Unbelievably, point Afflek.

And now from the all important country music caucus, on the Kerry side, Willie (Red-headed Stranger) Nelson.

And the bewildered herd is still believing
Everything we've been told from our birth
Hell they won't lie to me
Not on my own damn TV

That's a lyric from Willie's song, Whatever Happened To Peace On Earth? Pretty good, but what about Charlie (Soapbox) Daniels representing Bush? Can he top it?

America is in imminent danger. You're either for her or against her. There is no middle ground.

That was from an open letter to the Hollywood elite written on the eve of the war in Iraq. So THAT'S where we got the idea Bush had used the phrase "immient danger?" Point Willie.

Finally from the California/celebrity/politicial-family realm, we have representing the liberals who have a lot of conservative friends, Ron (Jr.) Reagan.

"I think it's important to talk about stem cell research—important to the country and the world. The Democrats support this, and President Bush doesn’t."

Oooh, very very good point. So, how do you rebut? Representing the conservatives who have a lot of liberal friends, Arnold (the Gropinator) Schwarzenegger.

"This is a very important year, and I think and am absolutely convinced we then can deliver California for President Bush."

What?

Final tally, Kerry - 4, Bush - 0 and one tie.

So what does this all mean? Nothing. I just like pointing out how lame the GOP is.

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